Self-control is an important skill that helps children manage emotions, make good decisions, and navigate social situations effectively. Since young children are still developing impulse control, they need guidance and practice to learn how to pause, think, and respond appropriately.
In this article, we’ll explore practical ways to help young children develop self-control in a positive and engaging way.
1. Why Teaching Self-Control is Important
Helping children build self-control allows them to:
- Regulate emotions and behavior
- Improve focus and attention
- Make thoughtful decisions instead of acting on impulse
- Strengthen relationships by learning patience and turn-taking
Self-control sets children up for success in school, friendships, and life.
2. Encourage Waiting with Fun Challenges
Teaching children to wait helps them develop patience and impulse control. Try:
- The Freeze Game – Play music and have them freeze when it stops.
- Red Light, Green Light – Teaches listening and waiting skills.
- Simon Says – Encourages thinking before acting.
These games make self-control practice fun and engaging.
3. Teach Deep Breathing and Calming Strategies
Help children manage frustration by practicing simple relaxation techniques:
- Balloon Breaths – Inhale deeply like filling a balloon, then exhale slowly.
- Count to Five – A simple way to pause before reacting.
- Squeeze and Release – Clench fists, then slowly relax to ease tension.
Using these strategies in daily life helps children regulate their emotions effectively.
4. Set Clear and Consistent Expectations
Children do better when they understand what is expected of them. Use simple rules like:
- “We wait for our turn to talk.”
- “We use gentle hands when playing.”
- “We take deep breaths when we feel frustrated.”
Consistent expectations help children develop self-discipline over time.
5. Read Books That Teach Self-Control
Stories help children understand why self-control matters. Some great books include:
- Waiting Is Not Easy! (Mo Willems) – A humorous take on patience.
- David Goes to School (David Shannon) – Teaches about classroom behavior.
- My Mouth Is a Volcano (Julia Cook) – Helps children learn not to interrupt.
After reading, discuss:
- “How did the character learn self-control?”
- “What could they have done differently?”
Books make self-control lessons more relatable.
6. Use Visual Cues for Self-Regulation
Having visual reminders helps children pause and think before acting:
- Stoplight Chart – Red (Stop), Yellow (Think), Green (Go).
- Emotion Faces – Helps them recognize feelings before reacting.
- Calm Down Corner – A quiet space to reset emotions.
Visual tools help children become more aware of their actions.
7. Encourage Problem-Solving Instead of Immediate Reactions
Instead of reacting impulsively, teach children to pause and find solutions:
- “What else can we do if we’re feeling upset?”
- “What’s a better way to ask for a turn?”
- “How can we fix this mistake?”
Problem-solving skills help children develop better decision-making abilities.
8. Praise Self-Control When You See It
Recognizing self-control encourages children to keep practicing it:
- “I love how you waited patiently for your turn!”
- “You took a deep breath instead of yelling. That was great!”
- “You thought before acting, and it really helped!”
Positive reinforcement motivates children to keep improving.
9. Reduce Instant Gratification and Encourage Patience
Help children learn to wait for rewards instead of expecting immediate gratification:
- Use a Timer – “Let’s wait five minutes before opening the present.”
- Delayed Treats – “If we finish cleaning up, we can have a snack.”
- Saving Money – “Let’s save for a special toy instead of buying it right away.”
Practicing patience builds stronger self-discipline over time.
10. Be Patient and Lead by Example
Children learn self-control by watching how adults handle emotions and frustration. Show them:
- Taking deep breaths when feeling stressed.
- Pausing before responding in difficult situations.
- Apologizing and correcting mistakes calmly.
Leading by example helps children see self-control as a valuable skill.